Crowded local bar..
Country band playing..
Friends talking and laughing..
She turns to look at the bar when he catches her eye. In that moment every ounce of air leaves her lungs. The noise from the bar is gone and all she can hear is the ringing sound of her heartbeat in her ears. She stands up fast almost knocking her stool over in the process but not once taking her eyes of the guy at the bar. Before she knows it she is in the bathroom bent over the sink trying to catch her breath and realizing tears flooding down her cheeks. This is the moment her past has came back.
You see I am the girl in the bar.. The one who has worked many years to move forward, forgive and put it in the past. I had been doing a decent job too until that split second one Saturday night, everything came rushing back like it was that very moment in time. I ran into my predator the one who had scarred the young me almost 11 years ago. That person every parent tries to protect their children from. He was mine and I ran into him! How do you introduce such things to your new life and friends that have no idea of this chapter in your life? Well lets just say I did not do such a great job of easing into the introduction, for my body had a mind of its own. My friends could see the tears, shaking, and slight hyperventilation taking place when I tried lying to myself that I could pretend everything was okay. I thank God (yes actually pray thanking Him) for the friends I have, because without them I don't know what I would be capable of. Erika and Doug you are truest form of friends a girl could ask for, Thank you.
Here is my letter to my past:
Dear Past (you know who you are),
You tried to make a reappearance in my life tonight. I will not stand for it...Sorry to disappoint but this is me 2017 version, I am continuing to choose forgiveness and leave you in the past. I will never forget your eyes, your smell, the physical hurt, and emotional scarring that you left me that day. I was a sophomore, young, and naïve to the dangers of young boys who think No means, they can take what they want instead. You have no power over me anymore. I have lived these last 9 years;
- Reminding myself that day was not my fault and I did not ask for it;
- Proving to God and myself that I will not let you define my future;
- Last but not least raising my Son to respect girls and that there are consequences to his actions.
We were teenagers and I was told "Boys will be boys", I was asked "Are you sure you said no?", and even showed that even if you stand up for what is right the outcome is not always just. So as you can see I have learned from my past but not without the battle scars you left behind. I may choose forgiveness but know this... I also believe in a little thing called Karma and it will bite you if you chose to not leave me be and stay my past.
Sincerely,
Warrior Mom
You may be wondering how the night ended at the bar...Well lets just say everyone should have friends like mine, and I think he may have peed a little. 😏 Be strong, move on, and know you're worthy.
Til Next Time..
Whitney <3
Whitney <3
